A Glimpse Into My Fucked Up Life Today

So, today started off like any other—woke up to the sound of eight goddamn dogs barking their heads off at 6 AM. I swear, it’s like they’ve got a sixth sense for when I’m still halfway dreaming. Anthony, my rock, my husband, already had coffee brewing. That man knows me too well. We sat in the kitchen, sipping our caffeine like it’s the only thing keeping us alive, because, let’s be real, it is.

After getting the dogs settled, I spent a good part of the morning dealing with the usual influx of emails from clients—people looking for answers, desperate for a sign, some validation that their gut feeling isn’t just paranoia. It’s a lot to take in some days. The energy hits me like a freight train. I had one session today that really got under my skin, though.

A woman reached out, looking for clarity about this recurring nightmare she’s been having. The nightmare itself was a fucking trip—every night she’s drowning, but she can’t see the water, can’t feel it, just knows she’s suffocating. And every night, it ends with a shadowy figure just watching her, like it’s feeding off her fear. I’ve seen a lot of shit in my time, but this one… it felt different, more visceral. As soon as I tuned into her energy, I got this intense feeling of being choked, like someone had their hands around my throat. Not a damn pleasant experience.

I told her straight up that this wasn’t just some run-of-the-mill nightmare. There’s something more to it, something lurking in the shadows of her life that she hasn’t faced yet. She broke down crying, which isn’t unusual, but it hit hard today. I could feel her pain, her fear. We talked for over an hour, trying to unravel the mess, and by the end, I think we made some headway. But this shit sticks with you, you know? It’s like a residue you can’t wash off.

After that, I had to take a break—step outside, breathe in some fresh air, let the sun burn off the energy clinging to me. Anthony joined me, and we ended up just sitting there in silence, surrounded by the chaos of our dogs, just soaking in the quiet between us. Moments like that are rare, and I fucking cherish them.

This afternoon, I spent some time working on my music. I’ve got a new track I’m laying down, something dark and heavy. The kind of shit that’s been swirling around in my head for years, waiting for the right time to surface. Music has always been my escape, my therapy. I can pour all the darkness, all the energy I absorb, into it, and when I’m done, I feel a little lighter. Not much, but enough to keep going.

It’s funny—I was thinking today about how much my life has changed. From that fucked up past (which, if you’re new here, you can read all about in my other posts) to where I am now. There was a time when I didn’t think I’d make it this far. Hell, there were days when I didn’t want to. But here I am, alive and kicking, dealing with other people’s demons and somehow managing to keep my own at bay.

By the end of the day, I was drained. Completely fucking empty. But then I looked around at my life—at Anthony, at our ridiculous pack of dogs, at the chaos that is my existence—and I felt something close to peace. Not quite, but close enough. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I’ll face it head-on, like I always do.

For now, I’m going to pour myself a drink, cuddle up with Anthony, and let the day’s shit fade into the background. Tomorrow’s another day, and I’m sure there’ll be plenty more to dive into.

Until then, take care of yourselves, and don’t let the bastards grind you down.

Cheers,

Demetri

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