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An Ode to the Fabulously Fake: A Salute to Our Pretend Pals


An Ode to the Fabulously Fake: A Salute to Our Pretend Pals
Original artwork by DemetriWelsh.com.

Ah, fake people, the human equivalent of glitter: sparkly, omnipresent, and impossible to get rid of once they've decided to stick around. Let's take a moment to appreciate these marvelous creatures of duplicity and their unwavering commitment to the art of pretense.


First off, hats off to their incredible ability to switch faces faster than a chameleon in a disco. It's truly awe-inspiring how they can be your best friend one moment and then forget your name faster than you can say "backstabber." It's not a personality flaw, my friends; it's a talent, a form of social camouflage that Darwin himself would applaud if he weren't too busy spinning in his grave.


And can we talk about their unparalleled skill in giving compliments as genuine as a three-dollar bill? "Oh, I just LOVE your outfit," they coo, with the sincerity of a politician promising tax cuts right before an election. It's an art form, really, the subtle craft of saying something nice with all the warmth of an iceberg in the Arctic.


But the pièce de résistance, the crème de la crème of their repertoire, is the legendary ability to talk out of both sides of their mouth—simultaneously! It's like watching a live performance of "The Two Faces of January," except it's not January, it's all year round, and the plot twists are less about thrilling crime and more about who they're gossiping about this week (spoiler: it's you).


So, here's to the fake people in our lives, the masters of masquerade, the emperors of empty gestures. Without them, how would we ever appreciate the genuine souls? How would we learn the value of trust, if not for the lessons taught by their betrayal? And most importantly, who would serve as the bad examples in all our cautionary tales?


In a world full of pretenders, may we all have the strength to keep it real—or at least, have the decency to be fake with a bit more flair. Cheers!

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